Essay on sense of fortitude after divorce

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Suite Phoenix, AZ DB: When I teach students interested in experimental nonfiction, we spend a lot of time discussing the relationship between form and content. How does that relationship develop in your writing process?

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Is the process consistent, or does it differ depending on the material? CB: It really differs. I finally printed the fragments out and moved them around on a table until I decided that alternating the braids was the most effective. I find that the physical processes of drawing, painting, and collage—like, sketching or painted studies, adding and subtracting elements, erasing and painting over, trying out several versions of the same idea—this is closer to how I approach experimental forms.

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CB: My undergraduate degree is in photography, and photos, more than anything, are how I take notes. I keep running out of space on hard drives and phones because of the volume of photos I take.

It is an excellent record, in the absence of a regular journal which I am terrible about keeping. I have more recently started to explore the use of photos directly in my writing, and am excited to have three essays in the collection featuring them. DB: These essays often explore what we tell and what we hold back—and I appreciate how you face those questions head-on sometimes visually. How do you decide what to reveal? CB: Well, I always start out by telling way, way, way too much.

Remember when being on the phone meant no one else in the house could use the phone?! Remember when tweets were only characters?! I was picturing a dozen.

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Not as an exercise in shame, but as an exercise in regaining control, in choosing not to speak. CB : What a great question! At first, when I pulled the collection out of the proverbial drawer it was in, I was not excited about it. I ended up adding four more pieces, scattered throughout the sections, and the result was a much more cogent collection.

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So, from a craft perspective: I learned what a long process revision can be. This book started during my MFA, which I finished in , but the published book only contains a handful of those original essays. And the revision process revelation bleeds into my writing practice, and the content of my essays, too—sometimes it takes a lot of drafts to figure out what an essay is trying to say.

Sometimes it takes setting it down next to another essay for the direction to be clear. While this is definitely a collection of essays, it is also true that it can be read as a fragmented memoir of my childhood, first marriage, and divorce. When I started writing these essays, I thought I was just writing about birds, you know?

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A bunch of people poke their bruises, and we do it to gauge our pain and our healing. A lot of the writing in this collection pokes at bruises, and I might have thought they were unique bruises in the moment of writing my first drafts, but my goal while revising these essays about holding grudges, keeping secrets, falling in and out of love perhaps too efficiently was to reach outside my experiences to find universal hurts—most small, but some large. I build lyric palaces to my pettiness and melancholy, because those feelings are just as important to my own sense of self as my optimism and my fortitude.

In this way, I hope to lead by example. It is also true that I look outside of my broken-heart at the natural world, and find comfort there, and that is one way to do it.